| So I think the last time I wrote it was when the Indians were in the playoffs, and that seems like ages ago. So I'm just going to make an entry, not neccessarily to write to others, but because I love writing and reading back on it and how hilarious my entries have been in the past and I only read like 2 pages. First off I moved in with my friends zack, jon, and mike.... obviously god I hope people know that. and I did get that job at ge...temporarily for 8 months with a temproary agency. I know what you're thinking, temporary? For 8 months? Yeah I thought the same thing when they didn't hire me in. And in April they let me go, and I've been kind of scuffling ever since to find a real job which by the way is EXTREMELY hard because I've been trying to do that since October. And I moved out in June back with my mom and we moved to North Canton. Which didn't really last long because well I still technically live there but I sleep over with my girlfriend almost every night...99.9% of the time. I would like to reflect back on the living with my friends thing for now though, even though I could go a hundred directions and probably will end up getting through all of them anyways. Now living with my great friends was potentially danger for the mere fact that well, you've never lived with your friends so you don't know what their TRUE sides are andif you've ever moved out you would completely understand. Money has a lot to do with things, and getting along, chores, etc. Now I would like to say there were definately some good times to living there, and there were also some bad times. If I had the choice to do it again, I probably would no doubt in my mind. I met the girl of my dreams living in that house, Megan. We pretty much hit it off really fast, but I screwed up and it took me almost a full year to get her to give me another chance. No, I didn't cheat, lie, or anything like that, I was just a real jerk. I was insecure and had reason to, she just broke up with a guy and I was afraid of getting hurt if she got back with him and whatnot. If you hadn't noticed in my blogs before I was pretty much in a deep depression, trying to figure out a lot of things in my life at once, struggling mightily. Job problems, future(school, what the hell am I gonna do as far as careers), and women. Now as far as things go I would like to say I've changed ALOT, once again I know I've said that probably 3 times since I've been writing in this thing. All are true I've done a lot of changing in the last what? 4 years? Yeah can't believe its been that long. I was reading one of my entries and it talked about highschool and how much I loved it. Not the school part but the friends and fun and not having as much responsibility for things. Yeah, it was great. Life is a frustrating game that you play and it goes back and forth, back and forth all the time. Right now I would say that meeting Megan, not only one of my very best of friends and the love of my life, has made things far and beyond better than what they were in the past three years. She makes me unbelievably happy and I know I do the same for her because I can honestly say that there are probably very few girls that would stay with a guy that has been unemployed for so long. And she is OK with that and understands the situation and for that, I am so grateful. Like I said before I am so much more happy, and she's been helping me with the other 2 major problems I've had in life, job problems and the future. She's trying as well as I am to make my blurry and in a crisis future more clear. Its definately helping. She sees the impurities in me and makes them better. I think I might be the only one that understands that statement though. She just sees good in my negative things. I'm not perfect and I will be the first to attest to that. I've always tried to be a good person and it seemed like good people always get stepped on. But to anyone out there who feels like giving up on being good, trust me there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will strike gold and you will be so happy that you stayed that way. Being jerks in any sort of way to people just isn't the right way to go about things and they will get theirs in the end. Don't let bad things that are little hold you back. Because there will be a big good thing right around the corner. Now one thing I definately do miss is some of my friends that I've been so close with for so long. I remember asking my parents when I was younger how come they don't have a bunch of friends that they hang out with and stuff. And whats scarey is at 21 years of age I am seeing some of my best friends slowly slip away from me. Now I will admit that partly that is my fault, because I want to spend time with Megan, and she is very important to me. But some people are NOT my fault because they are all moving in different directions in life because of their careers, or they just feel like they need to get away from everyone else. But every now and then I just wish that they wouldn't have, I guess I'm being selfish because I just want it to be like old times. But growing up is getting the better of me and I just know that evidently, thats just not going to happen. It scares me though because I don't want to think about making alot of new friends again and going through all the whats the word I'm thinking of...sorting I should say to the ones that I can trust. I don't want that. But I've also learned about some of my friends that don't REALLY care about me because of the talking behind my back that they have done to me. And still I wonder why I am friends with those kind of people. Maybe its because I had been friends with them for so long and thought I could trust them that maybe it was just a little mistake or maybe they had an outburst because they were frustated with me. The one friend I truly miss the most though is Kristin. I miss her because even though we hadn't been friends for the longest amount of time, I think that I may have been the closest to her of all my friends in entirety. What makes me upset about it to this day though is that she seemed to have picked a huge, huge douschebag as a boyfriend over friendship, a great friendship in my mind, over me. I hate that feeling that she did that, because it reminds me of another girl that seemed to do that same very thing over THE SAME GUY. What the heck was so special about this kid anyways. That I will never know I guess. Nonetheless I still miss her because she is a great friend, and I will always think of her as one of my greatest friends. I would think of the same for the other girl, but not only did she pick a guy over our friendship once, she did it twice. That just means that our friendship never really meant anything at all. Anyways, thats all for now. Just had a lot on my mind and I probably will write again very soon. |
